Are you Unhappy with Your Marriage?

Earlier it was used to be happily ever after marriage but that happily ever after phase is no more present in modern day marriages. Counselors have been able to notice that couples just stick to the marriage not because they are happy but rather because of convenience, partnership and obligations laid upon them. The fact was quite reiterated in a new book published by a feminist thinker Pamela Haag.

This contemporary feminist thinker has written many books like rebel couples, undersexed couples, royal children, the post-romantic age of workhorse and marriage confidential; and all of these books helped in the classification of modern day marriage. Here we will be discussing each state in brief and you can decide which category you fall into.

Half-happy state

This kind of state occurs when you are just affectionate for your partner but not passionate. Do not worry, welcome to the majority. This kind of marriage is something like not too good to bring joy into or not too bad to opt out for and one feels trapped as Haag says.

We take an example of couple who are married for almost ten years. They both have a really hectic work schedule as they travel 15 days in a month. This has led their marriage to become very predictable routine work. The woman works as a public relations executive in a company and she says that she get to spend only a week or maximum of ten days to spend with her husband and that too in a staggered way. While the man works as a sales manager and says that whenever we meet there is only time to discuss the finances and the marriage has become too predictable.

Haag says that these half-happy couples are always in dilemma, at one point of time they will think of ways to get out and completely resent it, while the next moment they will think they are in a good and strong relationship.

A lifestyle management expert Rachna Singh, remarked that half-happy marriages are the most common in the world, where both the partners work and get little time for each other. But the socking thing about this kind of marriage is it ultimately works and only in few cases leads to separation. It cannot be called fully successful but it is not miserable too. We can say both the partners are more or less like friends or business partners who are bounded by personal and social commitment. In such cases happiness and deep satisfaction are the things which went missing.

Gitanjali Sharma, a family and marriage counselor said that the problem does not lie within the marriage but with the thinking as the couples have too high expectation which makes them unhappy and indecisive.

Parenting Marriage

Haag is herself a mother and she truly believes that it is often the child who becomes the reason for continuation of a not-so-happy marriage. Children are now included more socially and the partners start feeling parenting as to be their sole priority while crowding out other aspects of life.

There are many examples of couples staying together just for their child, you can find these cases all over the world. Both the partner will have an active social life where their relationship status will not be hidden from their friends or colleagues. Many couples have stated that they are just waiting for their child to go abroad for furthers studies, and after it will be a new beginning for him as well for the parents, they plan to end up the relationship as soon as the child is out of their sight.

This trend has become quite popular especially in India. More than 40 per cent of couples stick together just for their children and not of their own wish. They tend to break down the relationship as soon as the child grows and has a life of his own, so that they can live a life of their own. But many forget or tend to ignore that the maximum harm is done to the child, few may end up with personality disorders.

Breadwinning wives

In this kind of marriage man is completely opposite of what is likely to be expected and the lady of the house is the exhausted breadwinner. These kinds of marriages are also growing common these days.

According to Dr Singh this kind of marriage is little imbalanced having a ratio of 60:40. In a situation like this the man chases an impossible dream while the woman takes up the whole responsibility of the household. There are maximum chances of this marriage being fallen apart. In this kind of marriage, the woman works for long hours in order to support the family, without having any vacations and the husband does not make any effort to support the family rather chases an impossible dream. The woman is taken for granted and separation is the only option left for her.

Haag has branded this as a syndrome and given it the name “Ed McMahon rule”. In this, one spouse is domination and the other accepts its outlandish decisions meekly. This kind of relationship destroys one’s self esteem and ultimately leads to separation.

Half-Married

This kind of situation arises with couples who have been separated long back but maintains their relationship in all the social gatherings. People in general are unable to realize their plastic smiles while socializing. These kinds of cases are gaining popularity. Many couples have decided to divorce while others have taken a step forward by living separately due to family or social obligations. We can call this a ‘convenient arrangement’. For legal support in such cases, it’s important to consult reliable divorce lawyers like the ones at https://sbklawgroup.com/.

Haag just not only describes the different kinds of marriage but she also advises on how to bring the zing back. She has given the term ‘new monogamist’ which means open marriage and according to her this is a wonderful way to save the marriage. However people have disagreed as they think marriage is about commitment.