Problem of being a Single Parent!

Parenting is a major responsibility, more so for a single parent. A single parent has to bear with added responsibilities, tensions and pressures. Either due to separation, divorce or death of a spouse, a single parent is left alone to deal with multiple tasks. You have to be a father and a mother at the same time. You need to have the tenderness and understanding of a mother, yet be firm and strong like a father. This dual portrayal may get overwhelming for some at times. But if single parenting is handled in a mature way, it can develop into a strong bond between the parent and the child.

A single parent has to take care of all the physical and emotional needs of the child by himself or herself. Right from personal hygiene, dietary habits, school work, punctuality and peer group, so on and so forth….. The list can be unending. You can partially share this responsibility with the child’s grandparents or a trusted friend or even a loyal maidservant. But you are ultimately responsible at the end of the day. So, never regret this responsibility. Childhood is a very fragile phase and any wrong impression can ruin your relationship forever.

You have to remember that no matter how smart you are, by the end of the day you are making decisions for your child all alone. They may not be the most appropriate decisions always. So, confide in your trusted relatives while taking important decisions concerning your child’s future, be it education or hostel accommodation or foreign travel. This will not only give you moral strength but also add more credibility to the final decision made. If you are on talking terms with your ex-spouse (now separated), consult him or her on major occasions. After all, the child is his or hers also. He or she might have some important and useful ideas to contribute.

A child’s mind is like an unwritten book. You can scribble anything onto it. So be very careful as to what you teach your child. As far as possible, never let your bitterness, bad experiences, annoyance and anger; infect your child’s psyche. Never ever poison the child’s mind against the separated spouse. And make the child realize the importance of friendships and lasting human relationships. If you honor your ex relationship, your child will hold you in even higher esteem then he or she normally does. You cannot change past, but you can definitely shape the present and the future.

When taking care of a child single handedly, it’s more important to remember that you are not only a parent, but a human being as well. It is very easy to get carried away and try to do everything for your child yourself, without taking any outside help. This is bound to burn you out very soon and you might end up getting frustrated and you may start taking out these emotions on your child. Don’t compromise your own social life in trying to be a good parent. It would only make matters worse. If you are working, you must come home feeling healthy and happy. Try to spread your responsibility or else you may spend quantity time rather than quality time with your child. For example, never feel guilty while employing a housemaid or a cooking help.

A child misses a parent the most on occasions like Parent’s day when he or she sees the other children with both set of parents. Prepare yourself and your child for such situations. Talk about these problems. Never let such issues spoil your child’s fun. Tell the child to never hide the fact that he or she has a single parent. Of course, that does not mean that the child volunteers this information, but let the issue of single parenting not be a shameful secret. Or else, the child will turn hypersensitive and withdrawn. Never let your child develop any personality disorder. You should take the initiative from the initial years. As is said, attitude is everything. Therefore, if you don’t indulge in bouts of self-pity and depression, single parenting will not unsettle your child.