Love marriage Vs Arranged marriage!
Which one is better – Love marriage or arranged? The issue is debatable all over the globe especially in eastern countries where arrange marriage is a tradition. As you read this question which option strikes in your mind first and why?
Education and media played a vital role in changing the perception of the Indian mind. Love marriage is supposed to provide freedom and more independence as compared to arranged marriages where the girl/boy is chosen by the parents. The usual question of love marriage voters against arranged one is that how can anyone marry the person whom they don’t know?
Amid popular love lore like Soni Mahiwal, India always had a long tradition of arranged marriages. With the advent of the British and the subsequent introduction of British education system more Indians got educated. Education and exposure to the media, started to make people to think and realize they need not be bound by tradition and they can choose their own marital partners without having to rely on parents, matchmakers, relatives or having to consult astrologers. This gave rise to love marriages. Currently in our country we have arranged as well as love marriages taking place.
If we start comparing love and arranged marriages we will see that both has certain pros and cons. If we talk about the love marriages first, it provides time for a mutual understanding between the partners which is needed for any successful relation. Knowing somebody before marriage allows partners to have better respect and understanding for each other’s needs and desires. This way they are better adjusted in the marriage when they finally take their wedding vows. In arrange marriages, there is a pressure to conform to parental expectations like producing a male heir, taking part in family rituals and traditions, putting up with sisters-in-laws, contributing to family expenses etc. Lovers have to try hard if their parents don’t agree with the relation. That is why it is said that Love is not an easy way out!
As the partners are happy with their spouse and its their own decision to marry him/her, love marriages should be successful but not all love marriages have happy endings. Sometimes discord arises even in love marriages. After spending a happy time of marriage, the same couple can be seen regretting on their decisions. They found hard to save the marriage and at last have to break up. If they them self chosen their partner and had a perfect tuning then why this unhappy end of the relation after marriage?
Perhaps to avoid this kind of ending, now-a-days youngsters prefer arranged marriages. It is thought that arranged marriages happen only in the east but this was not always so arranged marriages were happening even in Victorian Europe. The best part in an arranged marriage is that parents and the family is happy and they them self arrange the marriage. There is no tears and no battle for their permission. Arrange marriage offer more protection and security to the women. There is not much pressure on the women to look like models. Parents employ maturity and wise judgment when choosing suitable spouses for their children.
Caste system gave birth to arrange marriages, as the upper caste families didn’t want their children to marry outside their community and caste. In some case, by love marriage people lost all things like parents, society and religion. But after World War II and industrial revolution people’s perception started changing and they became familiar with the concept of love marriages. Slowly but steadily, love marriages are acceptable in Indian society also.
To decide which one is ideal is an unending debate. Love or arranged both is based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. A marriage needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain the relation.
So there is nothing like an ideal marriage it’s all about the way you perceive your marriage. The target is the happiness and stability of the relation in the marriage whether it is love or arranged.
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Arranged marriages and love marriages both have their pros and cons. Sometimes in an arranged marriage you can end up with someone who is not a nice person. Sometimes in a love marriage you can end up with someone who is only pretending to love you so that they can take your money.
wow this is dumb like seriously love is love and if you want arranged marriage bc it is safer and your scared of getting hurt well that is stupid bc everyone gets hurt and its part of life. and there is someone out there for everyone and one day they will come you just have to be patient and just wait bc it will be worth it when the right guy or girl comes along bc then he or she will be yours and then you wont have to live with the thought what could it have been if i found the right girl or guy and i was in love. would my life be different, would i be happier. these are haunting questions to have in your mind
arrange marriage is much much better. In love marriage its not a actaul marriage its just a body affection and there is no maturity in place.Thats why love marriage breaks immediately where as arrange marriage is filled with full of maturity and last for a life long.I knows todays most of the girls prefer love marriage instead of arrange but its really shame that if they dont trust their parents how they can trust on their partners?
Arrange marriage is best
I have reasons to tell you this : When you are in love you, you are like a blind person who would accept anything and everything, but when time pass by you would feel its not enough and will start complaining about it. In love marriages, there would be no social responsibilities that would keep you together even after disagreements.
People say incase of arranged marriages we have to marry a stranger,which is not true. When you fall in love with a person, till that time he/she would also been a stranger? Besides, now a days parents provide enough oppurtunities to know the person whom you gonna marry. Now a days love marriages have been a mere agreement, where a sucessfull man would marry a beautiful girl with no true love in between them. Trust me when the love is intentional, you wouldnt know about it.
this is never ending topic,in my views marriage means metting of two soul to be one.For everyone there is a special one to take care of them,anything which can hold anyone in relation is the purity of relationship that hold very deep in heart,so have a trust in god he will make u to meet your true partner in any way “arrange-love” are just the way,jsut have true faith and enjoy your life through “devotion,love,care”
For the ladies out there… never give urself a chance to fall in love with an indian…esp if he is from south.. this is the best thing u can do for yourself..
been dating a guy for 4 years and 8 months and we recently broke up becoz his parents found the perfect indian bride for him… duh!
i cannot hate my ex bf for not even trying to tell his parents about us.. i cannot hate his parents becoz theyre not even aware of my existence and of the good effects i have on their son..
its sad and its heart breaking…i just wish he had the guts to tell them..but he is too scared… now i dont feel like doing anything…just get the hell away from him…
The people saying love marriages are simply a passing physical attraction have clearly never been in love.
Being in love will make your heart pound when when they phone you, time stop when they smile, and cause agony when you’re apart.
Arranged marriages can only hope to form this connection, typically becoming good friends instead of true lovers.
everyone in south are not like u r gf, there are some people who believe in love nt in arrange. may be ur in the wrong side of the south.
mrs/mis=sneha
people who said arrange marriage is better are never fall in love and they did not know what u get from love marriage. i am a man but i am against arrange marriage becouse i did not want to see that any women in the world get killed due to wealth that the girls family have to give to boys family. happen lots in asian country.
a people who are in believe of arrange is better please dont think so, if u do so, u probely looking for u r family n it is not for u r family its ur life and find someone who u like n have wonderful partner in u r life. don’t let u r parent forced some girl who u dont like. dont be in the wrong side of the club.
” i love you “” is just look like fake in arrange marriages..trust me..
” i love you ” is only for lovers ..it make true sense….in arrange marriage sometime you get girl who love someone else ..or you love someother too.but only bounded by parents
.. if there is true love .there is never a misunderstanding ..but never expect a girl loves will love ur family .too.
love marriage is the best.
i am happy to see many are supporters of love marriage.belive me it’s my personal experience love marriage is best in starting you have to struggle but later they is so much of happiness, love, joythat too if your parents agree it’s the best thing in the world
but be careful in choosing the right person
i think love marriage is better.Love is god.No anyone is better than love.when to heart in same way.so love marriage is taken place
in my family…uptil nw, luv marriages hav suffered nd arranged 1 succeeded
Mine is love marriage and its been 2yrs. Both the parents are still in conflict and they football my head. First i tried to convince the parents, later i decided not to. Its hard to find people broad minded.
Personally i am still in love and it keeps me going on in my life !
i had a relationship with a girl for 4 years and when it came to marriage..she took a backfoot since she thought she can find someone else better than me and then she wanted her carrier first….whatever(however i thot she was the one for me)….but we split…and after 1.5 yrs we happened to talk again….and the things had changed so much….I had started thinking that i can find a better person than her and she started thinking that there cant be a gud match than me for her……..the reason I shared this here is….Had we married earlier ,we would have surely divorced….but now we r married and guess what…every day…her smile in the morning makes my day….and she loves me as never before….cos we both fully know it that….there isnt anyone else who we can love now….so question is not about love marriage or arranged marriage..its about knowing what we feel..and need…..Love marriages can be successful provided…its without expectations….and with all hearts out to the partner….and yes….arranged marriages are disasters sometimes also…
Hi Amit, Am really glad that you got the love of your life. This is what I will also say that love makes people more mature. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your comment over here.
lover marriage is better than arranged. normaly in arrange marrige if your partner is not your type then you blaim your parents or family in love marriage you have choice for choose a someone who better for your family i am not appose to arrange marrige but i go with love marriage what are the diffrence in both love marriege me app pahile pyar krte ho aur arragne marrige shadi ke 1 2 sal bad unlogo me pyar hota hai so its simple love marrige is beeter than arrange marriage.
Thanks Neeraj for sharing your views on the article.
i beleive that arrange marriage is good but love marriage is “BEST”.bcoz after 2-3yr in arriange become one type of panel-ti.
Hi Falguni, thanks for sharing your views with us. I really liked your opinion.
I am like arrange marrige because arrange is give a new friend and my new fraind is chiose of parints
I am like arrange marrige because arrange is give a new friend and my new fraind is chiose of parints
arrange marriage is much much better. In love marriage its not a actaul marriage its just a body affection and there is no maturity in place.Thats why love marriage breaks immediately where as arrange marriage is filled with full of maturity and last for a life long.I knows todays most of the girls prefer love marriage instead of arrange but its really shame that if they dont trust their parents how they can trust on their partners? its my thinking friands
Hi Sameer, thanks for sharing your views here. I actually don’t support your views though. 🙂
Well, nice article. If you ask me I will support the Love marriages over the arranged one, as in arranged marriage all other than the bride and groom enjoy the situation, but they only remain more or less unknown to each other. On the other hand in love marriages, at least bride and groom know each other very well and at least enjoy the situation. So my support will go to the Love Marriages.
Thanks Sapna, I too feel the same. Thanks for sharing your views on our website.
Love Marriage is not good. It’s like playing with life of which u r knowing the rules. In Arranged marriage u hav 2 spend ur life(play with life, not knowing it’s rules) with a person 2 whom U DO NOT KNOW. Since Life Is A Game, Put & Play Ur Best.
Hi Shanu, thanks for sharing your views. Although it is not the view which I support, but your view is also essential for us. Thanks for sharing your views.
arange marriage better than love marriage
Thanks Rajat for sharing your views with us.
In my opinion arrange marriages are more successful because in it we are adjusting according to the needs of spouse. In other words we are not expecting too much from our spouse but on the contrary in love marriage expectations are more from either side & therefore even a small misconception can lead to ending of marriage. Also according to a survey arrange marriages are more successful in India.In the end i will like to say that it’s indeed an unending debate which of the two is better but the thing which makes both of them successful is our understanding for each other.
Hi Anurag, thanks for your valuable comment.
there is a big problem with love marriage, it is scientifically proven! The fact that you try to project your pros and try to suppress your cons when you like someone, its not intentionally, but its kinda result of your hormones. Something call dogamine kicks in your brain, telling he/she looks good. Its all part of your system, when someone falls in “love” you tend to show up only u good part, n suppress habits like smoking drinking etc. But once marriage is over, the hormones reduces their and all that you tried suppressing comes back again, hence you feel that you made a mistake. Thats y u can see that 92% of love marriage ends up in court room every year.
But on the other hand, arrange marriage, even though you dont know who you re getting married to, if your parents are good enough, they will do a through background check on the one who you are getting married to, hence you get a reliable person to get married. thats the reason y arranged ones last longer, really long.
All the best to all 😉
Hey Ben, thanks mate for your comment and appreciation, I really love the point which you brought in the comment. Nice to see you around.
I would like to know more about the parents. I am interested in knowing what makes the parents want to so badly arrange their son’s/daughter’s marriage, besides the fact that that’s how it’s supposed to be. What gives them the most pleasure as a parent? Is it only the pressure from society?
What if their son/daughter wants to marry someone for love and has begged for their approval, with no luck? Do they always chose society first?
Hi Karina A, You brought one of the topic which in fact is quite common in India. Don’t know why but still after getting so much education and treating themselves as much more advanced; parents become orthodox when it comes to approve the love marriage of the children. Yes the do chose the society first than the happiness of their children’s, and then the best part is that they will again blame the child for bringing them in such an awkward position in the society. I don’t know the reason why they don’t accept the fact that their children are happy with their life partner and their so called society will also like them once they will accept them. With their approval, which is not obvious in the case of love marriages, nothing will harm the relationships, but still they don’t want to accept the same.
Thanks a lot Karina for bringing the point, and appreciating my article.
i thnk love marriage. Bt only if both partner knw each other very well near abt from 3 to 5 yrs. Cz arrange marraige people mostly have to be/are narrow minded. Dey thnk only abt family n family. Bt in luv marriage der can be open mindset.
Hi Deepak, thanks a lot for your comment, I agree with the first point mentioned by you that is for love marriage, if both the partner know each other for more time, can have good relationships, but I don’t think that arrange marriage people have to be/are narrow minded. Anyways thanks a lot for posting your comment over here.
according to me. You can go for either of them.
whichever suits you. No one can guarantee whether either of them will succeed, I have seen both kind of marriages fail.
Its all about understanding and luck !
Hi Vivek, thanks a lot for posting your views on my blog, and am really glad that you liked my work. You are absolutely right that it’s all about understanding. Luck comes later, but surely plays an important role. Thanks again, for sharing this post too.
Hi all,
I do not live in India, and I am not Indian, but I do have an opinion on this topic, as I am currently involved with an Indian man who will be getting an arranged marriage (much to my despair).
I think both love marriages and arranged marriages have pro’s and con’s, but there is something that really irks me when people talk about the failure rate of love marriages: in most countries were arranged marriages are the norm, divorce is not accepted, so of course these marriages last longer! Society pushes you into these types of marriages, and society keeps you in it. It was the same deal in the West until very recently. If you look at the history, you will see that divorces in the US were not accepted until the 1960s. Even then, it was still taboo. When India gets to the point where divorce is as excepted, it is my opinion that a lot of these arranged marriages will be dissolved.
Any relationship requires patience, understanding, and an ability to compromise. The lovely thing about a love marriage is that loving the person makes all of the work that it takes so much sweeter. Being in love is amazing.
Hope you all don’t mind a foreign opinion, but I just had to get this out there.
Thanks.
Hi JA, thanks for your opinion. You are very true that any relationship requires patience, understanding and the ability to compromise. I am really glad to see your opinion.
IN MY OPINION LOVE MARREGE IS BETTER/
there is nothing called love after love marriage………………..it is a matter of attraction……u ll gain freedom which ultimately leads to harm other person due to ur shit work…………so i will to go for arranged marriage atleast ill think about society……so which ultimately leads not to harm other partner ………..sometimes too much broadmind is also not good for u……………
Hey Deepak, thanks for sharing your views, although my views are different from yours.
I would prefer Love Marriage Any Time .
Thank you Shahnawaz for sharing your opinion with us. I am glad that you like the post.
Love marriage has the benefit. because the two already know each other and understands their partner’s feeling well way.
Yes Arica you said it absolutely right that love marriage has the upper hand than the arranged one. Thanks a lot for dropping by and commenting too on my blog… 🙂
I was actually searching for the pointers you always use (kind of addicted to it) Mine is a love marriage, my parent’s had an arranged marriage. Both are successful. In arranged marriage a girl has a tremendous pressure to not to feel humiliated by odd questions. Love is always challenging. Both the cases you need immense patience and understanding. A balanced post.
You said it absolutely right Datta, ours is also love marriage and it is true that it is a bit challenging. But yes you are right patience is the key behind the success of any marriage 🙂 thank you for sharing your opinion with us. I am glad that you liked this blog.
Well Alok & Pooja, I am not admirer of marriage because its very foundation is economics not love 🙂
Well Ravish, this time I am a bit against you. As far as my marriage is concerned it’s foundation is very much love, we survived the worst economic phase as well… It all depends on understanding between the couple’s.
I loved your explanation and thought process! I sometime ago contemplated on the same and weighed both the ends. Each of them has pros and cons. As you said, “Love or arranged both is based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern. A marriage needs a lot of dedication and effort to sustain the relation.”
http://www.sheshachaturvedi.com/2012/08/marriages-in-india-arranged-or-love_29.html
Thank you so much Shesha for sharing your opinion with us, I am glad that you visited my blog and liked it as well. You are absolutely correct that Love or Arranged, the marriages are based on empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern, no matter in what way you did marriage 🙂
Thank you for sharing your blog post on similar topic, I will definitely look into it. 🙂
never ending debate 🙂
Both has some positive and negative points.
Very much agreed to you Mahesh Semwal. Thank you so much for your visit and sharing your opinion with us on this topic 🙂
Alok, if there is love & understanding between a couple and they are ready to live together then why this marriage formality? As I see, love & marriage are two different things. A love can flourish without a marriage. And a marriage can too sustain without love. Marriage is an institution set up by society from economic point of view. Well, I’ll come up with this in detail through my post and then we’ll discuss it thoroughly 🙂
Once again Ravish, I am sorry, but am differing a bit from your opinion. Though I do agree with most of your opinion, but I certainly feels that a marriage cannot sustain without love. You are right that it is set up by society from economic point of view, but then love marriages are the way to fight against many such bad things like dowry system and it’s after effects, etc.
That would be nice Ravish, I will be waiting eagerly for your post on it. 🙂
I love the questions , answers will come by time , Love marriage or arrange marriage the MEN gets to suffer every time 😛
Lol, nice one Rahul. Thanks for visiting and sharing a funny response to it, I really liked your approach 🙂 I agree to you up to an extent as well 🙂
I am not sure how I had missed this post of yours!
I agree with the idea of caste and arranged marriages, however in the current day world I would strongly side to the idea of love. The simple idea being, people should marry for love and the warmth they enjoy with a person and not the other reasons of convenience which an arranged marriage exposes us to..
Hmm, very much agreed to your opinion Vinay. I am glad that you liked this blog post. Thanks Vinay for sharing your honest opinion with us about marriages.
Both have merits and demerits… but I’ll always cast my vote in favour of love marriage… 😀 for obvious reasons… 😛
Thank you so much Maniparna, I am glad you are supporting my side 🙂
Alok very well said . I had an arranged marriage and I too believe it has an added advantage of having full support of you parents . They are always there for me which might not have happened if I had a love marriage . Things are changing in India I know but there are still families like mine who wouldn’t approve of love marriages . Having said that I also believe ( purely personal though) I couldn’t have chosen a better guy for myself if I was the one choosing . We are falling in love each day and everything is just so beautiful …..
That is so great Shruti. I am glad that you shared your personal opinion with us. To be very frank, it is true that many of the families out here in India still don’t allow love marriages, but then it all depends on how compatible you are with your partner, no matter if it is a love marriage or an arranged one 🙂
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